Cabin Fever

Dear Lo,

It's been a week, and we are still stuck inside. Well, mostly. Hollis and I have ventured out on walks a few times. I drove to the grocery store the other night to drop off our plastic recycling, but mostly it was an excuse to get out of the house alone. And we found some lovely, untouched snow and tromped together as a family all weekend as Poa ran circles around us. So it's not that we haven't been outside, it's more that I haven't been able to go where I want when I want because of more than Hollis's nap routine. And because of all the time inside, our tiny little apartment is messy, messy, messy, which in turn is driving me crazy, crazy, crazy. [See evidence below. Also, Go Hawks!]

I'd like to say I made the most of this gorgeous snowy week, that we built snow men, made snow ice cream, and took Hollis sledding every day. But I feel like mostly I paced around our too small apartment and complained and cried to Scott about how small and cluttered and overwhelming everything feels right now. I mean, we did take Hollis outside. He ate snow for the first time and cried when I tried to move his arms and legs to make a snow angel. He also stared in awe at our too tiny parking lot covered in beautiful white snow. He grinned as he grasped the dry powdery flakes in his small pudgy hands. And he loved, loved, loved every minute (except for the snow angel) of our time in the snow--he is his mama's boy after all.

//

We were on the verge of running out of meals today. Not that there wasn't food in the house--God never fails to provide, no matter how much the fear of scarcity seems to envelope me--but we were at the end of things that looked like full meals. Scott got done early on account of the threat of freezing rain, so we drove to the store and he stayed in the car with the boy while I grocery shopped alone. Never did I imagine that "Do you want to grocery shop alone?" would be one of the sexiest questions my husband would ever utter.

I didn't wander the aisles. I went in with a plan. I mostly left with what I needed and nothing more. Except one more six pack of our favorite winter beer and a few of those chocolate bars I sent you for your birthday (they were on sale!). We're having beef stew this week [and so did you!], and I cannot wait. It's my favorite winter comfort food, and it gets better every single night. Plus it makes me think of my grandmother (and Hollis and I need the iron). And, of course, kale salad.

You know those people who menu plan and seem to only buy five to seven items but manage to make five completely different meals, each of which sound delicious and exotic? I envy those people. I am not one of those people. When I menu plan I pick a recipe that can feed us for three or four dinners and has enough flavor to not feel too boring on night number four. Thank God for giving me a husband who loves leftovers and already enjoyed eating the same thing every night for dinner. It's the little things, you know? Anyway, I got a glimpse of the lives of those women because I made polenta tonight, and it was delicious. And there's extra. So I'm serving the beef stew over the polenta tomorrow. I think it will be amazing. It's a silly little thing, but after a week of being trapped inside this feels like a huge win.

//

It's hard right now, being grateful for this season. It's felt like the last year or more has been marked by waiting. Sometimes it's been hopeful, expectant, the kind that feels like worship. But mostly it's felt marked by the fear of scarcity, wondering if we will only always ever be waiting. I know it is both true and not true that we will always be waiting. The waiting is of course to be a reminder of the One for whom my heart truly longs and the fact that the longing will only truly be satisfied on the other side of Glory. But I want to wait better. I wish I were not such a begrudging waiter.

Snowmageddon Polenta

**modified from the Nourishing Traditions polenta recipe**

2 C cornmeal

1 C lime water (to purchase or for instructions on how to make)

4 T whey or yogurt

3 C stock (chicken, beef, or veggie)

2 t sea salt

1 C grated sharp white cheddar cheese

1/3 C chopped roasted red peppers

1 T tomato paste

1 t smoked paprika

1 t garlic powder (could substitute sautéed garlic or caramelized onion if you wanted)

more salt and pepper to taste

Soak cornmeal in lime water for seven hours. Add whey or yogurt (I had buttermilk, so that's what I used), cover, and leave in a warm place for at least twelve hours.

Bring chicken stock to a boil, and slowly add your soaked cornmeal, whisking constantly until the liquid is fully incorporated and there are no lumps. Lower the heat and continue stirring for another fifteen to thirty minutes. [Confession: I used to cook polenta super fast--as soon as the liquid was incorporated I added my cheese and called it a day. Then I cooked my polenta slow, and I discovered the most creamy deliciousness ever. Take your time. This polenta is worth the wait.]

While you're waiting for the polenta to get nice and creamy, add your tomato paste, chopped red pepper, smoked paprika, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Definitely add other spices if you want. Definitely add more smoked paprika, tomato paste, and garlic powder if you think you want a little more punch. I ended up adding some fire roasted tomato sauce I'd made because I wanted our polenta to have a smokier flavor than the paprika could give it.

When the polenta is done, you'll know because it starts pulling away from the sides of the pan, gradually sprinkle in the cheese, stirring as you add it.

Spread the leftovers into a buttered glass baking dish to be refrigerated and then baked or sliced in to smaller pieces and fried the following night.